a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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