so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
