After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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