id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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