I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
