I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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