Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
