When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
