Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
