Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
