So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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