Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
