I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
