Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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