i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
