i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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