Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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