The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
