Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
