I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
