Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
