he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
