I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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