You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
honey bunches of taint.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize