Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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