I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
