A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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