I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
