just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
