I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize