Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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