where does the pee come out of this thing
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize