you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't want my vagina anymore.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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