Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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