The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize