I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
is that a dick in a sweater?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
