Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
