I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
