come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
jump out the window naked night went bad
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
