Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
