would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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