I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
