Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
