is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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