Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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