So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
