I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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