According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
