ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
