Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
this boner is exhausting
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
