I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
