You're my little dorito
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
