I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
