Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
