I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize