Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Less talking, more tequila
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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