Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
