I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
