3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
