i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
