To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
