Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
