Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
someone owes me an orgasm
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
