Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize