lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
