dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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