Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
