You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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