I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
