sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
