She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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