turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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