8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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